Since I decided to stop having serial monogamy type relationships with serial wrong for me people I have been on probably fifteen dates in the last few months. Here are some thoughts I have based on what I have learned:
One Red Flag=Bye I’ve had a few guys who have had significant red flags. One got kicked out of his program at an elitist ivy league school, one showed up on my porch extremely intoxicated (and my porch is not centrally located to my home, you’d really have to find your way there), one told me he doesn’t speak to any family members. While all people have baggage, I think you need to agree to take on baggage within reason. Leopards don’t change their spots?
Chill on the Physical: I almost always get rid of the ones that want to come up after the first date, starting sending X rated photos of themselves, or are too physical too soon. If I want to be physical with someone, I can walk down the street to the bar. If I want to get to know someone, I ‘date’ them. Thinking you’re going to ‘get some’ on the first date is unrealistic for someone classy. BUT in guys defense, I have heard date horror stories of illicit x rated pics, non stop texts and phone calls, offered for sex on the drive home, etc. I think it’s important to set the tone.
Dinner Dilemmas; Don’t agree to dinner unless you think it’s going to work. Nothing worse than listening to some cocky guy talk about himself. I got stuck in a cocky corporate guy date and since he had already ordered took it upon myself to order the most expensive meal on the menu, the ‘duck’. I’d never had duck. But he was so annoying nothing gave me greater satisfaction than to charge it on his credit card.
Be Kind: Even if you don’t like them, it’s good practice and manners to talk, make conversation, and learn what they’re about. Technology has brought people in touch that might never otherwise meet, and who knows, one of them could be the one for you.
Give it 2-3 Dates to Marinate: People get nervous the first time, or tired, or stressed, or you might not always get the best impression. Like a steak, marinate the relationship for 2-3 dates and if it doesn’t work–let it fade. Usually there has to be some spark for it to maintain anywhere into the long term.
Best Dating Cites: OKCupid, Match (which is digressed significantly) but I’ll review those later.
Best Way to Meet Guys: The Dog Park and the Gym!